Venting HR Guy
The Work Version of He’s Just Not That Into You
I’ve had a few people quit DeltaHouse lately. And we have had to replace that talent with other people. And believe me, we look at the throngs of people that we have RIF’d to see if they can fill the need. But there are some employees that we are never bringing back.
EVER.
HotSauce is one of these employees. He used to make widgets… slowly. He missed work for crappy reasons. And he was the first employee that we thought, “Yeah, he’s got to go.”
After SlimShady and Barrel quit, HotSauce calls me. He’s been off work from us for almost a year. He tells me that he’s heard that we were looking for people. And that he’s (shockingly) available.
I hem and haw, and dance around the issue. And somehow get him off the phone. But I don’t insult him. I wonder if I should have.
What would have the harm been if I told the guy, “HotSauce, you just weren’t that good when you were here. That’s why we won’t bring you back?”
PROS: It’s honest. It’s direct. It gets the point across. It eliminates hope that he might have that he’ll work at DeltaHouse again. He’ll never call me again.
CONS: He could call TheBoss and tell him what a meanie I was to him; followed by the subsequent visit from TheBoss explaining that I was a meanie and the speech that says that I shouldn’t be mean. Kicking a man who’s been unemployed for a year while he’s down isn’t exactly going to the list of Top Ten Best Moment of Being a Human Being in my life. He might come down and shoot me.
How do my HR people handle this situation?
Why can’t we…?
Going off of yesterday’s post I kept thinking about this idea of being more honest and less nice. Why can’t we? Why can’t we as HR people be truthful?
When I was in college, my friends used to take every decline letter that I received (and I literally covered one wall in my apartment with decline letters) and “interpret them” for me. So if a letter said, “We truly enjoyed meeting you. However, at this time we have made the decision to pursue other candidates.” My friends would write, “We truly enjoyed meeting you (we needed a candidate to laugh at to break up a day of monotony). However, at the times we have made the decision to (find people who don’t suck at life. Please work anywhere else. Preferably a place that involves you not working near our employees that might get dumber from being near you.).”
Believe it or not, if I got a decline letter like that, I’d be psyched. HONESTY! Thank you for telling me that I didn’t meet your standard. Thank you for telling me what I lacked in a candidate that you were wanting.
Why can’t we do this with our candidates or employees?
I have an employee, Angry, that calls me three times a week to yell at me about insurance. Why do I not say to him, “Angry, I’m going to hang out the phone, feel free to call me back when you are calm and want to have a respectful, calm conversation like a mature adult with decency?” Why shouldn’t I do that? Why should I take the yelling from this guy?
Why can’t I say to the employee, “the reason you didn’t get the promotion is because we tested you, and the test said you weren’t smart enough to handle the work necessary for the position?” Or “your reputation as a lazy employee prohibited you from getting this job?”
Why can’t you to the candidate, “the reason I’m not going to select you for the interview is because every day at 10:20am you call to ask me if I’ve received your resume. And frankly, I think meeting you would be obnoxious and irritating?”
Why is lying necessary? Or being less than 100% honest? Why provide false hope? Why not just say it?
Yes, you’ll insult people. But is it insulting if it is honest?
The Double Life of a Job Seeker
It is hard to be actively looking for a job while still keeping your current position. You have to make sure that nothing slips at work. You still must make sure you do everything that you normally do in a day. And do it cheerfully, happily, quickly, and with the same amount of quality as you normally do. That is what you do by day.
But by night, you are pounding job websites, looking for companies to see if they have anything posted. And if they do you are squeezing your LinkedIn, Facebook, and other social connection to see if they know somebody, who knows somebody, who knows somebody that can put your resume front-and-center to the right person.
By day, you don’t answer your cell phone. You let the unknown callers leave you a message. You schedule phone interviews during lunch breaks. You take get to a location with a lot of cars and people, and minimal chance that someone from your company can actually see you. You secretly scavenge for emails looking for any news.
But as soon as someone comes in to your office, you have you quickly re-focus your energy into where you are now. Not where you want to be.
It’s a secret you keep only to yourself. It gives you a little bit of power (at least perceived power) over your situation.
NOTE: I’ve applied to about 50 jobs online in the past 6 months, and have had about 5 phone interviews. So it isn’t like this is happening every week.
NOTE #2: I’m not leaving DeltaHouse without a job that is a marked upgrade in the following areas: (1) pay – I’ve got to do better in this regard, otherwise what’s the point? (2) type of work – a phone interview I had said I wouldn’t be doing 95% of the stuff that I hate that I do at DeltaHouse (example: I frequently get yelled at by employees about insurance things that are out of my hands and have no control over, the company has a department for those question/getting yelled at!). This sounds like Heaven on a biscuit to me, (3) type of company – I don’t care about our widgets, or who buys them, or what they do with them; gimme a company I can get on board with.
NOTE #3: I am well-aware that I should feel lucky to even have a job. I do. But I’m not apologizing for wanting more or wanting a better situation. I shouldn’t have to. When employers are asking me what I want to make, I’ve decided that the answer, “I’m sure you will pay to the responsibility of the position,” is total horsesh!t. I’m telling recruiter what I want. I’m not for wasting everyone’s time.
NOTE #4: Exactly every unhappy employee is tired of hearing how lucky they are to be working a job that they are unhappy with.
A Lesson Learned
Our accounting company suggested that we get a sign-off of the plan design of our 401-K from all of our employees. This seemed like an easy enough task… for someone who doesn’t have an illogical employee base. I sent a letter and the form to all of our employees asking them to read the form, sign it and return it as DeltaHouse needed to have these form in order to do our audit. Needless to say, I had about 85% of the employee sign this without a problem… and the other 15% treated it like a government conspiracy to read every DeltaHouse employees’ thoughts.
Four Lawsuits from the Future
Any HR person goes to enough legal update seminars to hear about lawsuits that have happened within the past year. And the shocking results prove that stupid people can continue to be stupid and remain employed.
So I’m trying to break out the crystal ball and see what the future of lawsuits look like. Here’s four that I’m waiting for…
A single (legally unmarried), healthy employee with no kids sues because she/he feels like – or has been ordered to – stay late at work while less-than-healthy, married, and employees that are parents get to leave work at 5pm.
Special Note to HRU
I will be out-of-town coming soon, but I set up a few posts for the coming week (in an attempt to not leave my loyal readers hanging). And one of them is a proposal for a reality show.
Tell you’re NOT watching my idea.
VHRG
Reality TV and Work
So I was watching The Bachelorette last Monday night (purely for unintentional comedy – I love how seriously the contestants take themselves and the show, even though they are about a 7% succes rate at this point.). Anyway, Ed had decided to leave the show. Why? According to Ed, his boss functionally said that he didn’t care if he was falling in love, he needed him back at work. So IN THIS ECONOMY Ed chose employment over about a 10% chance to date a Canadian girl for six to nine weeks.
Characters at Your Work – Part II
We’ve all had those characters at work that exist regardless of the environment you work in. You work with these people…
Employee That You Don’t Know What Their Job Is
“Blaspheme”, you say (hey, I spelled that right the first time, go me), “An HR professional should know what EVERY employee does in your company.” True. But still, every company has this one person that you don’t really know what they do.
Four Workplace Zombies
Zombies, the walking undead at work. They are the people that are going through something major in life right now, and they are just… not… that… into… work. You are asking about a project or a piece of work that is going on, and they respond with a nonsensical compilation of words.
Y’know the type…
Feeling Lazy Today
Sorry for the lazy post today. But I’m not feeling it today. I think I have couple of good ideas, but nothing’s grabbing me right now. I’m sorry.
To make it up to you, I post 22 Awesome Ways to Quit Your Job by Cracked.com’s readers.
These are good, but I’m still a fan of…
Quick Post Tonight
Sorry for the short post tonight. I’ll get better tomorrow.
Enjoy this funny job interview story to tide you over until tomorrow.
Something we’ve all thought about doing.
It’s Monday, you’ve just finished a weekend filled with friends, hangovers, fuzzy memories, and good times all around… and you… are… dragging… ass!
As you mope into work still trying to be used to the idea of being awake you look over at The Coffee Clique. They are the people that congregate around the coffee machine and suck down cup-after-cup of liquid pick-me-up. But they do it all day.
Again, I was motivated/slap-happy and thought about what a 100% honest conversation between a staffing agency rep/headhunter/people broker/crappy, unemployable worker monger/flesh peddler/pimp and a HR professional that gets stuck with them on the phone.
If BOTH sides were 100% honest, I think that the conversation would sound like this…
Short post tonight, great link though!
Worked late tonight, no chance at banging out a quality blog.
By the way, if you comment on my site, I’ll add your blog to my kingdom of awesomeness (name subject to change to something much better when my creative juices are flowing faster than frozen syrup – as they are today). Leave the name of your blog and the link to it, and I’ll figure out the rest.
Bong finally figured it out
Bong and Meth were two of the employees that were being protected by SuperHippie. Bong and Meth would be high at work (like, you could smell it). SuperHippie would say that they didn’t get good sleep last night, and they went to a bar. Meth would miss work, Bong would call in for him, SuperHipie would be fine about it.
